Tiger, Panda or Fish?

I must confess, I do watch the Today show on the mornings that I am not too busy trying to get out the door and to school on time. The show has had some great stories and some not so great. I saw one this morning about 5 great island get-a-ways and was shocked to see Lummi and San Juan Island on the list. They had some false advertising with all the pictures showing clear blue skies. It must have been summer and during the 5 weeks of sunshine that Washington State gets. Anyway, I also have seen two stories about parenting. Both the stories got my fiery side burning while getting me thinking about my own parenting style.

The first story is about a mom who wrote a book about her parenting, which she refers to herself as, "Tiger Mom." For her girls there is no television, play dates or sleepovers. They must practice their musical instruments for 3 hours a day along with strict homework rules. Only A's on the reports are allowed. I noticed that the Tiger Mom dominates the conversations or lack of one. The children have no wiggle room or the chance to negotiate anything. Both Tiger Mom and daughters looked pissed off, there are no smiles, hugs or laughing. I find this style too extreme. The Tiger Mom said she has been successful as a parent because the one daughter is getting acceptance letters from Harvard and Yale. Really, that is how she measures her success? What happens if the daughter goes wild at college when she is out of the claws of her Tiger Mom? Will the Tiger Mom have failed at raising her daughter?


The second story is about a dad who wrote a book about his parenting, which he refers to himself as, "Panda Dad". For his 3 children there is loose structure with expectations and consequences for behavior and help when the expectations are not met. His children look happy, healthy and well rounded. They are smiling, laughing, playing and talking to the interviewer. They actually have conversations with the Panda Dad. He measures his success by how happy and stress free he and his children are, not just by the children's accomplishments.


During my many years of teaching, I had Tiger and Panda parents. Those children whom had the Panda parents are well rounded teenagers and those that had Tigers are having their share of difficulties with fitting into high school (not so much with their grades or behavior).

I also had parents that I call, "Fish Parents". These are the parents that give birth and let the child run the household, make the decisions, barely have rules or consequences and have little parental guidance. At this moment, I can think of one Fish child I had many years ago. He is in high school now and recently was asked to leave the regular structured school and join the Options High School because of his abnormal behavior. I know what behavior they are talking about and it is not one that I would want any child to have. I remember his parents talking about getting him some kittens when he was younger. Next thing I knew, they bought him a dog because he hurt and killed the kittens. I also saw him with his dad at our neighborhood pond sharpening Cattails so they could spear rats in their yard. Now do you get the picture of behavior that got him "kicked out" of high school? This Fish kid is going to be in the Headlines someday and you can quote me on that!


Tiger, Panda or Fish is the question when it comes to what style is best to raise children? I believe that a little style from all 3 is what works best to raise healthy, intelligent, happy, socially appropriate and productive children. Sure we all have our faults when it comes to raising children, but who doesn't and as my mother always says, "That's what makes the world turn."

Helpful tips for raising children:

1. love your children and show it
2. praise their successes and failures
3. set boundaries and rules with consequences if broken
4. be their advocate not their problem solver
5. teach them tools to be successful
6. celebrate their accomplishments and their failures
7. eat dinner together at the table
8. have 2 sided conversations
9. let them make mistakes and learn from them
10. you raise them..not your neighbors, friends or your parents
11. be a good role model
12..... and God forbid have fun with them.